I’m not the man I used to be and what many men’s magazines – and no doubt Dr. Jordan Peterson – saying it should be me.
I’m still okay with that and rolling my way as best I can.
So I confess that I don’t jump on every male train and wake the horses with a hi-haw and a dizzy.
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But I feel compelled to mention a particular class of male-centric device that I may have resisted for too long—the personal razor.
I’m convinced it’s a good idea. I’m a little less sure that the way it’s advertised is absolutely edifying.
Look, I just stumbled across a new ad for Manscaped’s bar hedge.
Or depending on the comprehensive Amazon descriptionthe “MANSCAPED® The Beard Hedger™ Premium Precision Beard Trimmer, 20 Length Adjustable Blade Wheel, Stainless Steel T-Blade for Precise Trimming of Facial Hair, Cordless Waterproof Wet/Dry Trimmer.”
How would you present such a seemingly useful product to the world?
Would you show the strongest men in the world how to trim their beards before competition? Would you perhaps show rows of crazy hipster men trimming their beards and claiming that it improves their coffee-drinking technique and hygiene?
more Technically wrong
Or would you show a famous golfer and his son chatting about how women in Dad’s day supposedly liked hairy men downstairs?
You might suspect that Manscaped chose the last option. Because here is golfing legend John Daly and his son, University of Arkansas golfer Little John Daly, discussing dad’s pubic garden.
Dad asks his son which racket to use. Little John for some reason thinks Dad is talking about his beard and suggests Dad try this little machine.
“Manscaped, huh?” Dad says. “Son, in my day, ladies loved grass on the fairways.” Then he seems about to show his son his weed.
Do I hear a ho-ho?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoVjgFKAqlI
Look, that’s not you, it’s me.
You will tell me that it is perfectly normal for a father to chat with his son about landscaping his lower regions. And I’ll tell you that you’re right while I squirm quietly.
Little John has to explain to Big John that this particular device is for his face and not under his stomach. Then a voiceover comes up to explain that this thing has 20 settings, which sounds pretty wonderful.
The two stars play the ad very well. There’s even a hint of subtle comic timing.
However, I personally find that the best way to manage my beard is to shave it off completely every ten days. I look a little different every day.
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Here, however, we’re told that a man’s beard should have a uniform look—which, if you’re familiar with Big John’s highly subjective everyday attire, isn’t usually the case.
Men’s grooming is a hugely lucrative market — $55 billion, it seems. Because many men have a great need to present themselves in a very special way. Surely you’ve seen at least one session of Congress to appreciate that.
But oh, dad and son talk about, you know, downstairs? That may be a little too generous for some.
